Jack Hoffman
the father of Todd Hoffman, and a member of the Hoffman Group Taco stand. Jack is the patriarch of the Hoffman family. During the late 60's Jack was briefly a member of the Manson Family. The family referred to Jack by the nickname 'Mittens'. Mittens was rumored to have had a sexual relationship with Squeaky Fromme. Jack is believed to have actually coined the term "Helter Skelter" as the name for a race war that Charles was convinced was going to occur Once jack dissected Syd Barrets brain while drinking shots of liquid LSD. Ultimately, Jack left the 'family' over not receiving proper credit from Charles for inventing the water bong. About 25 years ago (sometime in the 80s), Jack went to Fairbanks, Alaska to mine glory holes at the Fairbanks truckstop where he worked 100 hrs a week for 10 years Non stop saving $40 dollars and 3 packs of lucky's. Todd decided to follow in his father's footsteps after he and his friends learned about the truckstiop life They went to Alaska, with Jack coming along to provide his corn hole expertise. At the Hoffman's mine(s), Jack runs the 400 Excavator, which has often been problematic especially when he digs in random spots supposedly under the influence of multiple fentanyl patches bitching about todds body odor and screaming about glory holes used to be in one. He is known for pushing equipment over its limit, often breaking it in the process. He leads the crew in prayer. He always insists on weighing the gold alone So he can shove nuggets up his ass all he wants is to be a man and stop talking from his cornhole which he says is the glory hole. Jack is a he/she who believes that's his purpose is to fill his ass pocket with gold. Jack uses prayer like an ATM by strictly confining his prayers to asking God to make him rich And sassy. By season In the season 3 finale, Jack klugman suggested the Hoffman crew to build a bonfire and take large quantities of lsd so he can roast marshmallows while dreaming about pole vaulting Olympians and glory holes. In season 4, in Guyana, supposedly high on opium and multiple other drugs he ran the excavator into the wash plant destroying the washplant And todds last chicken sandwich. In season 5, Blue, his dog dies, he now has a new dog. He buried his old dog in a glory hole. Rumor was he was arrested between seasons 2 and 3 for trying to pay a midget to choke him while he licked fentanyl patches and juggled lit cigars.....rumor is he also appreciate's a good midget at home or on the road Trivia *Jack has hemorrhoids. *Jack is also an admitted morphine and midget wrestling addict. *Jack wipes his butt from top to bottom. *Jack still believes Nebraska is a football powerhouse just like the rest of the Nebraska fans. *Jack likes to blow dogs, donkeys and small monkeys. *Jack's favorite game involves him farting into his hand and yelling, "Cup o' fart!" while placing his hand over the unfortunate recipients mouth and nose. Category:Miners Category:Hoffman Crew